Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
