I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
