i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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