If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
