I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
