My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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