I looked at my own cervix.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
