Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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