Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
