They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
