Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
