ya dads aren't the best wingmen
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
