when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
