Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
