soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
