I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
