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chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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