and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
