You're my little dorito
I wish I only lived at night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
