Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
