My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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