Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
