The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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