apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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