I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
