some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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