Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
