my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
