wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
