Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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