i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
