I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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