Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
