be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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