I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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