I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
