just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
