I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
