Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
