I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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