I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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