and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
