Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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