new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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