Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
