Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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