she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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