I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
