im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
