It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
