I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
