my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
