I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
