Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
